Your SEO Agency Is Killing Your Payments Business (And You're Literally Paying Them to Do It)

Since it's close to Halloween, I'm feeling extra spicy today, so let's talk about the elephant in the room: your fancy SEO agency that's burning through your marketing budget faster than my daughter with Robux on Roblox. If you're in the payments industry and you're relying on some generic marketing agency to grow your business, you're not just wasting money—you're actively killing your company. More power to ya! Less competition for us.

The Real Problem: They Don't Know Shit About Payments

Your average SEO agency knows about as much about payment processing as a squirrel knows about quantum physics (FYI for those of you dumb enough to hire an agency, squirrels don't know quantum physics). They're out here targeting keywords like "best credit cards with no credit check" or "how to get credit cards with no credit" just because it has the words "credit cards"—and that's probably the same thing as credit card processing, right?

But your agency's probably different because they're getting you tons of traffic writing another mind-numbing article about "The Benefits of NOT Applying for a Merchant Account" or "How to Generate Meaningless Traffic For Your Website" that even your competitors won't bother to read.

The Monthly Song and Dance

Here's how every monthly meeting is going to go: "Rankings are improving!" but they won't show which keywords because they're keywords nobody searches and you went from page 10 to page 8... up 20 positions! "Traffic is up!" but they'll forget to mention it's all from bots in India. When pressed for results, it's always "We just need 3-6 more months to see real results!" (spoiler: you won't). And my personal favorite excuse: "The algorithm just updated!" That's their go-to explanation for why everything dropped. Definitely not the temporary press release links that are in and out of the syndicate in two weeks.

We've heard horror stories from our partners. One burned through $12,000 a month with an agency churning out content about "Top 10 Tips For Getting The Best Holiday Deals." Another partner's agency spent three months building backlinks from food blogs because "local business citations matter." Yeah, I'm sure that review from Bob's Pizza Shop really impressed those high-risk merchants processing millions per month. My personal favorite was when an agency told our closest partner they needed to blog about "summer credit card tips" because "topical authority with seasonal content drives engagement." This truly might be the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Their Playbook Is From 2010

These agencies are still running the same playbook they use for selling shoes or diet supplements. They start with keyword research that completely misses the actual industry pain points, then move on to churning out generic blog posts that no decision-maker will ever read. They'll waste time building backlinks from irrelevant sites, because apparently, that spam blog link from a PBN run by Sanjay Gupta out of Bangalore will totally help you land merchants. And don't forget those "optimized" landing pages that sound like they were written by ChatGPT's retarded brother CringeGPT.

Why This Approach Is a Total Disaster

In payments, especially high-risk payments, your clients aren't making decisions based on who ranks first for "merchant account provider." The reality is much more complex. They care about industry reputation and want to work with someone who truly understands their specific business challenges. They need partners who can actually get them approved and keep them processing. Most importantly, they rely on real relationships and referrals—not some keyword-stuffed blog post your agency wrote last Tuesday.

Your SEO agency's content strategy isn't building any of that. Instead, they're creating digital noise that's about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

What Actually Works in Payments Marketing

The real needle-movers in this industry aren't what your agency is selling you. Success comes from creating deep, technical content that demonstrates you actually understand payment processing. It comes from sharing real case studies about how you solved specific industry problems and creating content that addresses actual compliance and regulatory challenges. The winning strategy involves building relationships with industry referral partners and being present in the communities where your target merchants actually hang out.

The Real Problems Nobody Talks About

Let's be brutally honest about what these agencies actually deliver: monthly reports that look impressive but mean nothing, content written by people who think an MID is a type of shoe size, and "strategy calls" that are just thinly veiled upsell attempts. You're paying premium rates for rankings on terms that don't convert and getting endless excuses in return. So. Many. Excuses.

Why They Keep Getting Away With It

The survival of these agencies is a masterclass in smoke and mirrors. They're experts at showing vanity metrics that mean absolutely nothing while taking advantage of the fact that most payment companies don't track their marketing ROI properly. By the time you realize it's not working, they've already cashed six months of checks. They've perfected the "just give it more time" game, and too many companies fall for it.

The Cost of Getting This Wrong

Every month you waste on generic SEO has real consequences. You're burning budget on content nobody wants while missing opportunities to build real industry authority. While you're wasting time on meaningless metrics, your competitors are out there building actual relationships. The worst part? All those potential leads are going to us because actually speak the industry language. Sucks to be you NERD!

What You Should Do Instead

The solution is simple, but it requires ripping off the band-aid. First, fire your SEO agency (yeah, I said it). Then hire someone who actually knows payments and create content that addresses real industry problems. Focus on building genuine relationships in your target verticals, and stop trying to rank for useless keywords. Start solving real problems instead.

Bottom Line

If you're still paying an SEO agency to "optimize" your payments business, you might as well be throwing your money in a paper shredder. This industry isn't about keyword density and meta descriptions—it's about actually knowing your shit and proving it to people who can smell BS from a mile away.

Want to succeed in payments? Stop falling for the agency BS. Either build your marketing in-house with people who understand the industry, or work with specialists who actually know payments. And for the love of God, stop believing agencies who tell you they can get you to #1 in 90 days. The ones that can actually do that is us. Now, let's get shit done.